The Myth of Jace and Clary
by I Suffer From Hubris
Summary: Slight parody of the Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus, but with Jace and Clary. References to Beatles song "Get Back" but not a songfic, along with a great deal of Clary bashing. Oh, and it has a surprise ending! Not to be taken seriously. ENJOY!


A/N: Hello, people! This is just a short one-shot about my least favorite Mortal Instruments canon couple, Jace and Clary. It's roughly based on the Greek myth of Echo and Narcissus, so bear that in mind. And review.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Mortal Instruments. If I did, Clary would have been eaten alive by a pack of rabid, flesh-eating dolphins.

**The Myth of Jace and Clary** by: I Suffer From Hubris

Once upon a time, there was an extremely handsome young man who had the single preppiest name in the entire Western Hemisphere: Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern/Herondale/Wayland/Lightwood. And yes, it's pronounced Morgenstern SLASH Herondale SLASH Wayland SLASH Lightwood, almost like a summary for a super inappropriate story about four men with last names for first names having a four-some.

It was for that reason that our plucky adventurer forced everyone to call him Jace.

Jace was so beautiful that he made every girl he saw immediately fall in love with him, despite his I'm-a-jerk-so-GET-BACK [to where you once belonged] attitude. In fact, his 'tude only made them love him more.

But Jace never, ever accepted the love of any of his fangirls. Some people thought it was because he was as straight as a circle (if you know what I mean) but that wasn't true, since he also rejected the awkward advances of his gay admirers (read: Alec).

One admirer of his was an unfortunate ginger named Clarissa No-Middle-Name Fray, whose real last name was Morgenstern. So in reality, her name was Clarissa No-Middle-Name Morgenstern. Or would it be Clarissa No-Middle-Name Fray-Morgenstern? That's incredibly long for a name. Oh well, I guess the author just didn't plan it out very well, now did she?

Miss C.N-M-N.F-M. preferred to be called Clary instead of the long acronym for her name as just mentioned. It would be kind of queer to be called Kiniminfim, and all of the total five people she knew were lazy, so they called her Clary.

Clary had a secret crush on Jace, even though they had the same partial last name Morgenstern. That never bothered her, and besides, she was too stupid to even notice. She made a habit of stalking poor Jace whenever he ventured outside his house, and shouting at him at the top of her lungs, "OMG YOU'RE JACEEEEEE! MARRY MEEEEEEEEE!"

At which point, Jace would always glower and murmur, "I'm a jerk, so..." and then he would belt out the chorus of "Get Back" by the Beatles, somehow nailing the three-part harmonies on his own. Jace was just cool like that, I guess.

Then he would slip away down a convenient dark alley, and Clary would look around stupidly, saying, "Where did he go?"

That fiasco happened at least four times per day, but usually more. Now, on one average Hump Day- er, Wednesday- Jace ducked down an alley to avoid Kiniminfim. But alas, Clary finally caught on to what he was doing and followed him, screaming, "JACEEEEE! WHY ARE YOU LEEEEEAVING MEEEEEEE?"

Jace yelled, "AGH!" and came upon a stream, complete with a cave and waterfall. How that got in the middle of NYC, I am not sure.

Clary ran into the cave for no reason, and Jace knelt at the side of the stream, staring awestruck at his reflection. Jace's family didn't believe in mirrors (they thought mirrors didn't exist) so Jace had never seen his beautiful face, ever.

Jace gazed at his image in the water and said, "Why, hello there. You're hot." He didn't even realize it was himself, but was immediately in love with the mysterious water stranger. (So I guess he really was gay.) Jace could barely even move as he gazed into the golden eyes of his reflection. "You're beautiful, and I don't even know your name." Strangely, the image's mouth moved when he said his words, but Jace didn't care. He really liked the look of that handsome fellow in the water.

Clary saw what was happening from her cave and started crying and cursing every religious being she could think of. But- aha- some religious being (not sure which one) heard her and decided that she was obnoxious, so it cast a horrible spell on her. That spell was that she could only repeat what people said, and couldn't come up with anything on her own anymore.

Clary ran out of the cave to Jace and looked at him expectantly.

Jace glanced up at her irritably and said, "Do you mind? I'm kind of busy right now. I'm in a meeting."

Clary smiled in a way that only a fangirl could. "In a meeting! In a meeting!" she chanted.

"What?" Jace was confused. "Don't you see this guy right here?" He turned to his reflection and told it lovingly, "You're so gorgeous that I could kiss you."

Clary jumped up and down and yelled at Jace, "You're so gorgeous that I could kiss you!"

"Are you mocking me? Is that some sort of cruel joke?"

"Cruel joke?"

"Stop repeating what I'm saying!"

"What I'm saying!"

"Shut up!" he insisted.

"Up!"

"What do you think you are, an echo?"

Clary was dumbstruck for a minute. "Echo?"

"Go back to your cave!" Then Jace went into a rousing chorus of "Get Back".

Clary sulked and did "get back" to her cave. And that was the last anyone ever saw of Clary.

Jace, on the other hand, kept staring at that beauteous man in the water, whispering sweet nothings to it. Then he couldn't bear it any longer- he HAD to kiss that man! He bent down to the water and pressed his lips to the watery surface, but then a big mean crocodile named Valentine came out of nowhere and growled, "Jace, I am your father."

And before Jace could do anything, Valentine-his-father-the-crocodile ate his human son.

The End.


End file.
